Leading with Anxiety

Feeling anxious as a leader? You’re definitely not alone and this article is chock full of great insights into how to manage it well in this challenging time. Many of us are high functioning anxious people who deal with anxiety by trying to control or plan for every eventuality. Anxiety in and of itself should be looked at not as a disorder but as a cautionary part of ourselves that is calling our attention to something important.

Rather than trying to stifle our anxiety, the best way seems to be simply thinking of it as a companion of sorts who is there to help us pause to think before acting. No, it’s not pleasant when we are feeling anxious because it is physically overstimulating as well as heightening our emotions and lessening our usual patience. Harder still when we are leaders and expected to be “in charge” and to know the answers at all times.

The best tip I see in this article is to have a support team of other leaders whose style is different than our own. If you’re a super anxious type, partner with someone else who is more grounded and less emotional, yes, even non-HSPs. The point is to question our perceptions with others who are capable of thinking calmly and rationally. Anxiety fundamentally will set our rational thinking into high gear but it will do so with the added fuel of emotion, which will lessen our ability to be truly rational.

By having one or two trusted and reliable friends or fellow leaders, who are unlike us, we can get a feel for the quality of our thinking and reframe it if we need to. Leaders do not need to feel like they are totally alone in making hard choices or in soothing those who work for them. We always have our team of fellow leaders and others we can turn to. Likewise, we should do the same for others when they are feeling anxious and unsure.

HSPs and HSS/HSPs may make terrific leaders but we do have to be advanced in our abilities to self-soothe, practice self-awareness, and reach out when we need to. Doing so makes us better leaders and more sustainable over the long term and through crisis’s like our present worldwide pandemic.

What are your go-to strategies for managing anxiety as a leader?

drtracycooper.wordpress.com

Empowering the Sensitive Male Soul

Cover image

Thrive: The Highly Sensitive Person and Career

thrive cover

Thrill: The High Sensation Seeking Highly Sensitive Person

Kindle cover 2019

https://hbr.org/cover-story/2020/05/leading-through-anxiety

New book on highly sensitive men

Empowering the Sensitive Male Soul is now available as a hardback book!  Paperback is also available.

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https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/empowering-the-sensitive-male-soul-tracy-cooper-phd/1136949415?ean=9781663501486

Why are some people better at working from home than others?

If you have moved to working from home in this pandemic, and it is your first time trying to mesh your working life with your home life, here is an interesting article with a few good ideas to consider.

One of the key factors that determines how well working from home equals productivity is conscientiousness. I noted conscientiousness in my 2015 book, Thrive: The Highly Sensitive Person and Career, as the only known correlate to workplace performance. Conscientious people will be conscientious whether at home, in an office, or on a houseboat in the middle of a lake.

Highly sensitive people tend to be high in conscientiousness by the way, a finding backed up by my big survey for the same book where almost 97% of HSPs surveyed agreed with the statement “I am conscientious.”

It helps to be conscientious but it also helps to be comfortable without being in an office or needing the social energy of being out of the house. Introverts need socialization too but in lesser amounts and for shorter durations. Working from home can be the best arrangement for many more introverted HSPs.

The articles does raise the issue of being effective at creating and enforcing boundaries, both for others and for yourself. It’s too tempting to just get up and do something else at home and it is essential that we take work seriously and focus when we need to for periods of time. Some of us are very good at this and some need to work on it. Others may find it to be impossible to set those boundaries and need the structure of a workplace outside the home, especially extraverts.

I suggest to you that working from home, if this is your first time, will take some time to adapt to and you will need to give it some time and not rush to quick judgements. In some ways, working from home is infinitely preferable to a noisy, crowded, and busy office, but in other ways it can lack in certain ways that you will need to make up for with additional activities.

Many HSPs will love working from home, while others will seek to return to an office, or workplace. I have found working from home to fit seamlessly with my life and I can transition easily from non-work tasks to work tasks throughout the day.

How have you adapted to working from home, if applicable?

drtracycooper.wordpress.com

Empowering the Sensitive Male Soul

Cover image

Thrive: The Highly Sensitive Person and Career

thrive cover
Thrill: The High Sensation Seeking Highly Sensitive Person

Kindle cover 2019

Be the first to review my new book!

Be the first to post a review of my new book, Empowering the Sensitive Male Soul! If you find the new book to be useful, and it is extremely relevant information for both men AND women, kindly leave a review and tell others the particular ways it has helped you gain new self-awareness or awareness of how HS men experience sensory processing sensitivity. Too often, books like these are written from a deficit perspective where men are viewed as something in need of fixing but this book looks at men as sentient, free-willed, and fully capable of much more than the basics of learning how to be sensitive.

For the sensitive man in your life who may not know that he is highly sensitive yet. This book will empower without turning him off on SPS.

Death of the office?

Office-work takes up not merely the bulk of our time but the best part of it, the hours when we are alert and alive. Home, and its occupants, has the husk.”

The fallout from the pandemic of 2020 is only beginning as we reflect on the sudden switch from working in offices to working from home, for many. We are left to ask real questions that should receive real answers, such as, will office culture change? In what ways? And, will it be better for highly sensitive people?

Those questions are bound up in the history of offices, though we often seem to take offices as a fact of life as many of us have never known professional work to take place anywhere but an office. Enter the future, which is now, and enter the pandemic, which upended so many businesses and forced them to reconsider how to get work done, despite NOT being in offices.

In considering how we actually get work done, the inevitable sense of reflection alerts to the fact that many of us are more productive at home with fewer distractions, no commute times, and no lengthy and pointless meetings (if you are still suffering with lengthy video meetings your employer has missed this point). Taken as a whole, it will be quite interesting to note how working from home compares with office work, in terms of work completed at a similar quality and quantity level as office work. My guess is that workers working from home are at least as productive, perhaps more so, than when in the office. Particularly, for the high performing people who need autonomy, plus time and space to focus deeply, while they work on a project.

Looking ahead, we have to seriously consider how we might offer viable alternatives, for those of us who prefer working from home and there are some who do not, to employers in ways that begin to transform the culture of offices, indeed of work itself. Clearly, not all jobs or skills can be done from home as some are carried out using proprietary equipment or programs employers will be loath to allow in private homes, but for those jobs where work can be carried out to a similar degree of completion and quality what is the argument for forcing people to work in offices?

One answer suggests itself that employers simply do not trust their employees to work and not simply ignore their duties for which they are compensated to do. That paradigm has been around since the inception of offices and we will likely always find employers who remain stuck in a need to control their employees, while attempting to squeeze ever more productivity out of them. For others, the reasons are founded in a supposed “creativity” that happens when people are physically together and sharing a space, the closer the better in that view. Yet, we don’t see more creativity when people are forced into open offices, we see less as people experience more distractions and have less space and time to engage in the creative process, which most employers truly do not understand.

Many employers have subscribed to the notion that creativity can be squeezed out of people if you only provide the circumstances, but that view ignores the way creativity works as a process of intuition, autonomy, and a willingness to explore without judgment for a time. In the rush to innovate, creativity has been subject to linear thinking that confines it and seeks to quantify how and when it might be achieved. The reality is, creativity happens when people feel interested in their work and free to explore on their own. Some people may do better when in the company of others, in a creative sense, but when pressured to produce, produce, produce, the tendency is to go with the tried and true, rather than the innovative, which by its very nature, is a fundamentally disruptive process. Employers are afraid of real creativity and seek to confine it to the same office mentality as they do their other more linear processes.

How can you begin to shift the paradigm of working in offices? Employers understand when they see value-added processes, meaning they see greater efficiencies or profits from how you are accomplishing your work. If you can show that working from home is indeed sustainable and yields greater productivity in a shorter time, along with innovation here and there, you have a stronger case for working from home, at least some of the time.

As offices begin to reopen, it is likely that they will have to continue with the working from home model and that is where, for those who prefer this setup, you might truly have a choice! Speak up to your employer if working from home allows you to put work back in it’s proper context and value your family more, while still accomplishing your duties. Speak up in favor of working from home one or more days a week if it viable for your skill set. Employers will already be seeking ways to limit the number of workers in a space, so you literally have the floor here, so to speak, and can advocate for conditions that may work far better for you as an HSP than is possible in the office arrangement.

One thing is for sure: the office culture is being shaken at its’ core as employers are forced to reflect on the way they do business. How has your office adapted to the new paradigm?

drtracycooper.wordpress.com

Thrive: The High Sensitive Person and Career

Thrill: The High Sensation Seeking Highly Sensitive Person

Empowering the Sensitive Male Soul

https://www.1843magazine.com/features/death-of-the-office…

Release of Empowering the Sensitive Male Soul, a new book on hs men from Dr. Tracy Cooper

I am pleased to announce that my new book, Empowering the Sensitive Male Soul, is now available in paperback and eBook formats through Amazon, Smashwords, and their affiliates!

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This book partly relates my personal story as a HSS/HS man, while exploring topics not previously covered in other books on HS men. Topics such as anger, perceptions, and a broader revisioning of creativity as creating one’s life to become a fuller realization of who and what one might be, find places in this new book on HS men.

Other important topical areas in the book includes:

– an update on Sensory Processing Sensitivity (the underlying personality trait that all HSPs have)
• a survey chapter on the history of masculinity and how we can think of masculinity in different terms
• an examination of childhood for HS boys
• a huge chapter on career and HS men (as you would expect from me)
• self-care for the HS man
• the ever-challenging area of relationships
• plus, a chapter on parenting as HS dads.

Empowering the Sensitive Male Soul is a book about HS men and HSS/HS men written by a HSS/HS man in a way that is confident, compelling, and ultimately encouraging to all HS men.

This book is a complementary companion to my previous two books:

Thrive: The Highly Sensitive Person and Career
Thrill: The High Sensation Seeking Highly Sensitive Person

Available through Amazon and Smashwords and many fine retailers.

Drtracycooper.wordpress.com

Misophonia – when certain sounds drive you crazy

I’ve written about Misophonia before and in my upcoming book, Empowering the Sensitive male Soul, and I am always keen to see what writers say about it because they are often a little off. Here, the author describes Misophonia as a “condition” but we cannot fairly describe it as such simply because it does not exist as a recognized condition. We can fairly describe it as a phenomenon that about 15% of the total population experiences.

We can also say that Misophonia can be anything from a mild to severe issue for those who experience it and that there are good treatment strategies available to help retrain our brains and our behaviors when we encounter trigger sounds. By the way, I am a moderate category Misophonic so this is of great importance to me and I know to others, especially those who are in the severe category.

The best treatment strategy seems to revolve around a combination of three key aspects:

1) Cognitive behavioral therapy to reframe how we think about the producers of trigger sounds (that they are not intending to create these trigger sounds).

2) Progressive muscle relaxation to instantly react to a trigger sound by intentionally relaxing the muscles in our bodies that tend to clench up when we hear trigger sounds, combined with removing from the space if necessary and self-soothing strategies (breathing deeply or otherwise calming the body).

3) Gradual exposure therapy to lessen our sensitivity to trigger sounds, specifically, those that apply to us individually. There is a trigger tamer app that can be used to gradually expose us to our particular trigger sounds. Note that it is crucial that you do not expose yourself to full volume trigger sounds! For obvious reasons, start out at a lower volume and increase over time.

HSPs, if you can imagine, are not only already highly sensitive to stimuli that others miss, but a likely similar 15% of us also must contend with Misophonia! Our sensitivity to subtleties, one of the four core aspects of sensory processing sensitivity, combined with our tendency for overstimulation, can require a real addressing of Misophonia if we are to function well in the world.

It is important, if you decide to seek help with Misophonia, to locate a specialist because it really does take great expertise and long experience to help a Misophonic. I suggest browsing the Misophonia Institute’s website for much more information and for help with locating skilled professionals.

https://misophoniainstitute.org/

The good news is Misophonia can be mitigated to a large extent but it does take work and long-term effort. I have experience as a moderate category Misophonic and my spouse is a severe category Misophonic. We have developed our own strategies that work for us with regard to how we will react if one of us hears a trigger sound unexpectedly and they are always unexpected! Much like learning to allow high sensitivity to be one aspect of our lives, we also allow for the presence of Misophonia. The more you know and the more self-aware you are, the better you may more effectively live your life without feeling too limited by Misophonia.

drtracycooper.wordpress.com

https://theconversation.com/misophonia-when-certain-sounds-drive-you-crazy-94353

Is this the end of the office as we know it?

One of the positive implications from the coronavirus pandemic may be that we HSPs are afforded what we’ve been in need of for many years: space. Now that it is abundantly clear that organizing office spaces in such a way as to put many employees side by side or otherwise in close and constant contact is a bad idea, it may be that companies and organization will remodel their previous open office plans to include, at the least, dividers and, at most, more private spaces.

This is theoretically good news for HSPs who prefer greater personal space and less noise so they can focus and concentrate on their work. It may be that many companies also have now seen the viability of having many employees simply working from home and choose to allow it in the future, as a simple matter of doing business. It may be, as well, as the article suggests, that companies allow fewer total numbers of employees in an office space and stagger days when teams meet in person.

Some HSPs, and HSS/HSPs, may see this and feel that they need to have at least some time in their office environments, especially these two groups. Zoom and other video conferencing are useful and now necessary tools but there is no replacement for physically being in the company of others, at least for some amount of time. We are prosocial beings and need to be in proximity with others to some extent. Research shows that it is the high performers who prefer to work from home as the autonomy provides them with the ability to schedule work when they are at their best each day and when they have time and space to think and work through complex issues. For the high performing HSP or HSS/HSP, this major shift in how we work may be a strong positive factor in an otherwise horrific time in our history.

Co-working spaces are the other variable that will likely shift to greater sanitation and reconfiguration of work spaces to provide more space between people and fewer total people overall in a space. If you find yourself working at home, you may be tempted to use co-working spaces, which are commercial spaces where you can pay a fee to work in a space that is wired and set up to bring people together, often from many different industries and companies, as they work. Co-working spaces are becoming increasingly popular and necessary as workers need the variety of being somewhere besides their own home all of the time.

There are a number of salient issues that will have to take shape even if home workers becomes the new reality. We shouldn’t assume that companies will not seek to find ways to squeeze more out of you being at home; indeed, they do and will assume that ALL of your time is company time and will gradually whittle away at your private life if you allow them to. Boundaries become an important factor here again as HSP often lack adequate boundaries and may allow themselves to be taken advantage of or exploited as a home worker.

My advice is to work out your hours when you are available to work and respond to emails and think of that as your dividing line between what you’re being paid to do and your private life. Time becomes your new boundary and it will be up to you to not allow encroachment on it or you may find yourself a slave in your own home answering emails at all hours and working more than you ever did while in an office. This may be especially true as we know people are generally more productive while working from home, probably due to less distractions, noise, and interruptions from others. That being said, working from home will carry it’s own burden of establishing and enforcing your “work” boundary with your loved ones, who may not truly appreciate that your work at home is “real work.”

Over time your family and friends will adjust to the new normal of you being at home and working certain hours and life will go on but be vigilant about maintaining a structured approach to your work that also keeps you focused on what you need to do. Not everyone is cut out for complete autonomy and setting up and maintaining their own structure. It takes a disciplined person with a disciplined mind to be able to utilize autonomy in a productive and sustainable way.

Time will tell how companies and organizations choose to respond to the way their physical environments need to shift to accommodate the health and well being of their work forces. Now is also the time for HSPs to speak up and communicate how they work best to their employers and take advantage of opportunities to work from home! This is a shift that is deeply in your favor!

drtracycooper.wordpress.com

Thrive: The Highly Sensitive Person and Career

Thrill: The High Sensation Seeking Highly Sensitive Person
(both books now in audiobook as well as e-book and paperback forms)

 

https://www.vox.com/recode/2020/4/14/21211789/coronavirus-office-space-work-from-home-design-architecture-real-estate?utm_source=pocket-newtab

More on Letting Go…

The philosophy of the Stoics and the Taoists brings me great comfort in these times and reinforces for me what I already loosely practice. I was in the hospital for a week in 2019 and had lots of time to reflect on how when everything is taken away: our clothes, our external lives, our freedom to go as we please, even our name becomes a bracelet one wears and sees on a dry erase board with a condition, a doctor, and a plan, we are left with the core of who we are, our raw humanity and what we can make of it.

Stoicism in such times teaches us to let go of clinging to things and to be in the present moment. Indeed, Stoicism teaches us to love each moment and everything that happens in each moment (amori fati, or “love of fate” in the Latin), since each moment is all we truly ever have.

Many HSPs feel the sense of grief, tension, and anxiety in the world in these trying times of the pandemic. HSPs may or may not have lives where chasing external rewards is their focus but these times show us quite dramatically the prudence of planning ahead, being content with our rich inner worlds, and valuing those we hold dear. If this pandemic has any silver lining at all it’s that it has allowed many people a time to reflect on their lives and take stock of how their lifestyle and choices either reflect an alignment between one’s modest ambitions, desires, and wants versus the external world of conspicuous consumption, depletion, and a treadmill existence that is out of sync with fundamental happiness.

In this trying time, it seems altogether appropriate that we truly live in this moment, while appreciating that we need very little to be happy or content. When people’s lives have been culled back to a large degree, we are left to re-examine who we are at our cores, and forced to confront either our true depth or our true superficiality.

The Taoists and Stoics have much to teach us in this moment if we listen and let go of societal expectations. The more we are willing to let go, the more content we may become, with less anxiety, worry, or fear to trouble our minds. I was reminded very graphically of my relative impermanence last year and allowed an opportunity to deeply consider my core essence as a human being on this planet at this time. I discovered that trying times stripped away much of the external milieu we all embody, but revealed inner resources in abundance. I chose to view my time in isolation and no control as a time to re-frame my appreciation for all that I loved and would regain.

In the first day after release, I recall quite well my first walk on my familiar walking trail and how the sheer freedom to simply move, breathe, and take in the birds whistling, the sound of the river, and the feel of my body moving felt as if it were my first day on Earth. In any time of withdrawal, we can choose to use it as a chance to bemoan our circumstances, or to engage with our inner worlds of present moment, clarity about who we are at our depths, and to follow the Stoic’s advice in letting go…

drtracycooper.wordpress.com

Thrive: The Highly Sensitive Person and Career

Thrill: The High Sensation Seeking Highly Sensitive Person